Warning: The following may make you physically ill

That is the forewarning that should have appeared on the screen during the Grammy Awards before the Jonas Brothers took the stage.  First to allow those talentless fools to perform with Stevie Wonder is a shame.  Stevie didn’t know what he was getting into….if he could see he would have definitely nixed the collaboration.  I think the appearance of Kevin alone would have done it.  That freak was flailing around the stage like an ape on meth, or at least how I picture an ape on meth would act…but I digress.

Let me break it down for you.  A celebrity came out to introduce the boys and proceeded to announce that they were performing with the great Stevie Wonder.  My ears immediately started to bleed and my eyes welled up in tears.  First of all, I love Stevie and just the shock of hearing the fact that he was taking the stage with those three yahoos was enough to tip me over the edge.

The Jo Bros (as the “tweens” like to call them) started singing one of their (insert sarcasm) classic, memorable hits.  By this point, I was breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth in an attempt to calm my nerves karate kid style.  Why didn’t you just turn the channel, you ask?  Hell no!  This was first-rate entertainment of unparalleled quality…not to be missed.

About halfway into the performance, the intro notes to Superstition struck my ears and my body coiled into the fetal position.  This couldn’t be happening.  Stevie couldn’t possibly be getting ready to play one of my all time beloved songs with the Jonas Brothers!  Noooooooooo.  Say it ain’t so.  Just when I thought the performance had hit rock bottom, Joe Jonas took the mic and forgot someone of the lyrics.  No, Joe, the words aren’t “umm umm laaa stition.  Baby blah blah blahhhhh.”

That’s when the physical affects began.  My stomach cramped up so hard it took my breath away.  I looked at my cat, Kingsley, to see if he was experiencing the same disturbances but he was still sleeping.  How one can sleep through a catastrophe such as that, even if it is a feline, I will never know. 

The illness did not subside until three days later.  Yes, I even missed two full days of work.  Some people have tried to tell me that I caught the Norovirus that has been spreading like wildfire.  Fools, I say.  Bacterial Jonasitis is real….it is out there….and it will get you if you don’t heed my advice and cover your ears!  

Consider yourself warned.